ask the dice mistress.

ooc: an explanation +semi-hiatus.

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 22:44:44 -0500

{ Hi. I’m not sure how to start this, but I have some explaining to do.

As some of you may have noticed, I have sort of stepped back from RPing (especially on two accounts in particular.) For a long while, RP was a means of distracting myself from my depression, and it did help, at least to an extent. Plus, I had fun with it; it was enjoyable.

Lately, however, RP has served as more of a trigger than an escape in relation to my depression (especially on femOtogi and cannibal Ryou’s accounts.) I’ve been trying to force myself and continue anyway, but it’s getting increasingly difficult.

I think what I need is to step back a little. I will not be going on full hiatus, but please bear with me if I don’t RP nearly as often, especially paragraph form RP and on particularly triggering accounts. I will do my best to make a full ‘return’ swiftly.

Thank you for reading. }

Visitors

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 21:19:46 -0500

hostforthering:

josephine-wheeler:

dicemistress:

“I…” They were (apparently) her friends, weren’t they? Surely if the old her had experienced this, she would have told them… Perhaps they already knew. So why had no one warned her? Biting her lip - where had that habit come from? - she paused before speaking. “There’s… something. Not a voice, that’s not right, but a… a presence, corrupting me… In my head. It —”

She gritted her teeth, opening her eyes and shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I sound crazy. I don’t know what it is.” Unspoken words lingered in her head; I’m scared. Please help me understand. I’m so scared. She couldn’t let them know how frightened she was. They expected her to be strong, didn’t they? Hadn’t the ‘old Otogi’ been strong?

Jo watched Otogi worriedly. She knew what the other was talking about. Or, at least she knew a little bit. Ryou had told her that Otogi had a piece of Zorc inside her. “Otogi…”

The blond trailed off, her hands clenching into fists when she saw the fear in Otogi’s eyes. Yes Jo wasn’t the closest person to the dark-haired woman, but she still considered the former mistress of dice to be her friend. And seeing the poor thing now, so frightened and vulnerable, it instantly brought out Jo’s protective nature.

So, with only a moment’s hesitation, she sat at the edge of Otogi’s bed and gently, yet securely wrapped her arms around her frail friend. “We’re here for you, Otogi… You don’t have to act tough right now. If you’re scared, it’s okay…” She gave her the young woman a gentle squeeze. “We’re here for you, no matter what…”

As soon as Otogi spoke she knew what she was talking about and it added more to her guilt. “Don’t let it rule you.” Ryou whispered taking another step closer, by this point only a foot away from the bed. “I-It’s okay to break down. I am sorry about everything.” No. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t break down in front of anyone ever again. It only led her to trouble.

Ryou took in a deep breath and tried not to let the closeness of the others effect her. She was the one who chose to break up with Otogi. She had no right to be jealous or upset. Her feeling didn’t matter. “I know you don’t remember us… but trust me when I tell you… Do not let it control you. Please.”

She was hugging her… As much as she tried to convince herself that this was her friend, a part of Otogi was still unnerved at the sudden contact, considering that up until a few moments ago, this girl had been a stranger to her. The voice-that-wasn’t-a-voice in her head wasn’t helping, either. Biting her lip once more, she nodded, tentatively raising her arms to hug Jo back. “Thank you,” she breathed, barely audible.

Her attention quickly turned to Ryou. She was closer now, at least, so perhaps she was not completely sickened by Otogi’s presence… But she still looked rather uncomfortable. Why was she sorry? She hadn’t done anything, at least not that Otogi knew of. It wasn’t like she had pushed her from the bridge or planted that presence in her head… or she didn’t think that either of those things had happened. The latter option would explain a lot, though.

Pushing it from her mind, she sighed and nodded again, gaze determined. “I won’t. I won’t let it. I’m stronger than that, aren’t I?” It was more a question to herself than the other - she didn’t need reinforcement that she was expected to be strong. She had picked up that impression from both visits she had received. She was supposed to be strong.

@necrophadesoftheshadows

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 21:06:18 -0500

necrophadesoftheshadows:

dicemistress:

Trembling hands wrung the fabric clutched between them, green eyes darting to the door yet again as she shivered. Something was wrong. A dark sense of foreboding had settled over her. The dark presence in her mind was more noticeable now, and though she did not understand it, it frightened her, setting her mind ablaze with thoughts of all manner of dark threats. No. She would not let herself be bothered. She was safe here within the hospital. What could ‘get’ her here? She was fine… She would be fine.

The fear bothered her as well. While she could not remember much, she had gotten the impression simply from those ‘friends’ she had spoken to that she was supposed to be strong. How could this much fear be considered strong? She was weak. She hated it. Her mind wandered quickly back to the friends she had met; clearly they had some idea of her, some idea which she could not live up to. She was not strong.

A noise. Her eyes snapped back to the doorway. Something in the hallway… No. She was imagining things. Shaking her head and cursing her paranoia, she sunk down under the covers, closing her eyes. Perhaps a nap would clear her mind. Or further muddle it. She didn’t know, but she wanted more than anything to simply surrender to the nothingness of sleep. Instead, it continued to elude her. Cursing inwardly, she opened her eyes again, settling on simply staring at the ceiling.

… How had this girl escaped his gaze for so long, he wondered? Zorc moved silently from shadow to shadow, not bothering to enter the building the way a normal human would. He had originally come to check on this quiet servant, the one he had so easily overlooked - and then the magic had hit, and his objectives had changed.

She really had been a pretty thing, hadn’t she?

He had reached a higher level of the building. Zorc paused and felt - reached out with his soul for the piece hidden in the girl. The moment he felt it he grinned savagely, and allowed himself to sink into the shadows of the curtains.

A moment later, he had emerged from the shadows cast from her bed silently. Staring down at her, he took a moment to drink in the sight.

Not bad, not bad at all. Yes… she would do nicely.

Otogi exhaled softly and allowed her eyes to close yet again; it was a foolish hope, the hope for sleep, but she found herself wishing for it nonetheless, mind wholly undeterred by her current inability to fall asleep at all. The air in the room felt different somehow - it was a feeling like nothing she had experienced. The air was not different, but something was still amiss - the feeling of being watched? She did not dare open her eyes. Not yet. Steeling herself for whatever she would find, she opened them - and bit back a cry of alarm.

For a long moment she simply stared, breath catching in her throat, at the figure that had appeared by her bed. A clearly human shape stood over her, looming, almost - sending shivers down her spine and convincing her whole-heartedly of its inhumanness (silly - it was definitely human, she was simply letting her fear get the better of her.) And yet… There was a familiarity to the figure, something Otogi could not quite place, leaving her to blink dumbly for a few long heartbeats, trying to wrap her mind around it.

“Who are you?” she asked at last, voice steady but still soft, though she had a feeling she was supposed to know the answer. Something told her she - or at least the old Otogi - had known this stranger. Was this a visitor? She hadn’t heard the door open… And she was sure visiting hours were over. Was it known, then, that she had amnesia? Perhaps she would have to fill the stranger in…

Visitors

Thu, 31 May 2012 01:34:46 -0500

hostforthering:

josephine-wheeler:

dicemistress:

hostforthering:

She wanted to turn and run away. Run from her problems that she caused. The guilt was eating her alive. “Hi, Otogi…” Her smile was fake, but it had fooled everyone before why would this be any different. Ryou took a few steps forward towards them but kept distance in case she triggered memories. “…” The words ‘I’m sorry’ were on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed them. ” T-That’s a nice blanket?”

… Blanket… What was wrong with her. “Are you warm enough? Do you need anything else?”

Ryou? But wasn’t the boy who saved me named Ryou, too? Blinking in confusion, she only nodded at the introductions, attention quickly turning to Ryou. Why was she staying so far away…? Unable to fend off the hurt that made her feel, Otogi simply steeled her expression, not wanting her ‘friends’ to know that she had sensed something was off. Whatever the problem was, it was something for the old Otogi to deal with. She certainly couldn’t make any sense of it in her current state of mind.

“I’m warm enough,” she said quickly. “I don’t need anything, but thank you for asking.” She felt awkward. She didn’t know these people, not really, although they clearly knew her. “I… I’m sorry if I’m coming off as … not normal. It’s just a lot to take in. I can’t really remember either of you… I’m sorry.” She truly was - ah, the voice-that-wasn’t-a-voice was back again. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to block it out; it was frightening, the dark feeling it brought, and she didn’t want to trouble her friends with it. Whatever it was. They would surely think her crazy if she mentioned it, anyway.

Jo smiled sympathetically over at Ryou for a moment before turning back to Otogi. “We know you don’t remember us, and that’s okay. We still care about you. You’re our friend and-” She stopped when she saw the pained look that suddenly took over the dark-haired woman’s face. Worried, Jo stepped closer and put her hands on Otogi’s shoulders. “Otogi? Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Ryou was silent as she watched Otogi’s face. Even if she wasn’t her girlfriend anymore she could still read her like an open book. “You don’t have to hide anything from us.” Still she couldn’t step closer. She… She’d suffer silently and would make sure that the other’s came first. “Nothing you say will make us think any less of you. W-we care more than you can ever really understand at this moment.”

“I…” They were (apparently) her friends, weren’t they? Surely if the old her had experienced this, she would have told them… Perhaps they already knew. So why had no one warned her? Biting her lip - where had that habit come from? - she paused before speaking. “There’s… something. Not a voice, that’s not right, but a… a presence, corrupting me… In my head. It —”

She gritted her teeth, opening her eyes and shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I sound crazy. I don’t know what it is.” Unspoken words lingered in her head; I’m scared. Please help me understand. I’m so scared. She couldn’t let them know how frightened she was. They expected her to be strong, didn’t they? Hadn’t the ‘old Otogi’ been strong?

Visitors

Thu, 31 May 2012 00:02:06 -0500

hostforthering:

josephine-wheeler:

dicemistress:

hostforthering:

josephine-wheeler:

As she entered the room, Jo glanced at Ryou one last time before turning to Otogi, giving her a strained smile. “Hey Otogi. How are you feeling?” She stepped closer to the young woman in the bed. “Do you remember who we are? Or do you need us to give you our names?”

Oh God… No… She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t. It… She was to blame. “H-Hi… Otogi.” Ryou offered her a small smile trying not to recoil and cower at the way the other looked at her. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“I’m alright… I’m going to need your names,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. I wish I remembered you, but…” Otogi gave a helpless shrug. “I’m glad you came to see me anyway.” The girl with the white hair - whom Otogi had decided must have been related to either Ryou or Amane - seemed uncomfortable somehow; was something wrong? Come to think of it, the other girl didn’t look entirely happy either. What was the issue?

Would it be too rude to ask? Considering she was bed-ridden, she supposed they wouldn’t judge her too harshly for anything she did at the moment… “Is there a problem?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. Something clearly wasn’t right. And the dark voice was acting up again. She wished it would leave her alone. It was getting increasingly hard to concentrate…

Jo couldn’t help but laugh a little. “A problem? Kinda yeah. A good friend of ours tried to kill herself and is now sitting in the hospital with amnesia…” She went over and stood next to the bed, giving Otogi a gentle smile. “My name’s Jo, and this…” She gestured to her white-haired friend. “This is Ryou…” Jo kept her eyes trained on Otogi’s face, searching for any sign of recognition.

She wanted to turn and run away. Run from her problems that she caused. The guilt was eating her alive. “Hi, Otogi…” Her smile was fake, but it had fooled everyone before why would this be any different. Ryou took a few steps forward towards them but kept distance in case she triggered memories. “…” The words ‘I’m sorry’ were on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed them. ” T-That’s a nice blanket?”

… Blanket… What was wrong with her. “Are you warm enough? Do you need anything else?”

Ryou? But wasn’t the boy who saved me named Ryou, too? Blinking in confusion, she only nodded at the introductions, attention quickly turning to Ryou. Why was she staying so far away…? Unable to fend off the hurt that made her feel, Otogi simply steeled her expression, not wanting her ‘friends’ to know that she had sensed something was off. Whatever the problem was, it was something for the old Otogi to deal with. She certainly couldn’t make any sense of it in her current state of mind.

“I’m warm enough,” she said quickly. “I don’t need anything, but thank you for asking.” She felt awkward. She didn’t know these people, not really, although they clearly knew her. “I… I’m sorry if I’m coming off as … not normal. It’s just a lot to take in. I can’t really remember either of you… I’m sorry.” She truly was - ah, the voice-that-wasn’t-a-voice was back again. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to block it out; it was frightening, the dark feeling it brought, and she didn’t want to trouble her friends with it. Whatever it was. They would surely think her crazy if she mentioned it, anyway.

@necrophadesoftheshadows

Wed, 30 May 2012 23:43:45 -0500

Trembling hands wrung the fabric clutched between them, green eyes darting to the door yet again as she shivered. Something was wrong. A dark sense of foreboding had settled over her. The dark presence in her mind was more noticeable now, and though she did not understand it, it frightened her, setting her mind ablaze with thoughts of all manner of dark threats. No. She would not let herself be bothered. She was safe here within the hospital. What could ‘get’ her here? She was fine… She would be fine.

The fear bothered her as well. While she could not remember much, she had gotten the impression simply from those ‘friends’ she had spoken to that she was supposed to be strong. How could this much fear be considered strong? She was weak. She hated it. Her mind wandered quickly back to the friends she had met; clearly they had some idea of her, some idea which she could not live up to. She was not strong.

A noise. Her eyes snapped back to the doorway. Something in the hallway… No. She was imagining things. Shaking her head and cursing her paranoia, she sunk down under the covers, closing her eyes. Perhaps a nap would clear her mind. Or further muddle it. She didn’t know, but she wanted more than anything to simply surrender to the nothingness of sleep. Instead, it continued to elude her. Cursing inwardly, she opened her eyes again, settling on simply staring at the ceiling.

Visitors

Wed, 30 May 2012 01:37:00 -0500

hostforthering:

josephine-wheeler:

dicemistress:

hostforthering:

She was silent as she mulled over what the other said, holding her hand tight. “I know… I know… This is still all my fault.” If anyone deserved to die it was me… “I… I still want to be her friend. I still want to be in her life, I just…” Ryou sighed before letting go of Jo’s hand and moving to the door. “I don’t think she should know how we used to be. Not yet anyway… Let… Let her be happy without my failure as a girlfriend to hurt her more.” She offered a sad smile, opening the door to the room before the other could give protest to her wishes.

The door opened. Otogi watched the two girls who entered closely, dropping the sheet from her hands and giving a small wave. “Hey,” she attempted, echoing the greeting she had given to Amane earlier. She felt like introducing herself, but she knew that wouldn’t be right; she might not recognize them, but they were clearly her friends.

Was it rude to ask them their names? Surely the nurse had informed them of her memory loss. Maybe they would be considerate enough to introduce themselves. Her mind certainly wasn’t offering any names this time around… In fact, it seemed to have locked up at the sight of the pale-haired girl. She looked an awful lot like the boy she vaguely remembered saving her; she hadn’t gotten a very good look at him, and her memories were foggy, but she doubted white hair was a very common trait. Ryou, wasn’t he? Were they related?

As she entered the room, Jo glanced at Ryou one last time before turning to Otogi, giving her a strained smile. “Hey Otogi. How are you feeling?” She stepped closer to the young woman in the bed. “Do you remember who we are? Or do you need us to give you our names?”

Oh God… No… She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t. It… She was to blame. “H-Hi… Otogi.” Ryou offered her a small smile trying not to recoil and cower at the way the other looked at her. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“I’m alright… I’m going to need your names,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. I wish I remembered you, but…” Otogi gave a helpless shrug. “I’m glad you came to see me anyway.” The girl with the white hair - whom Otogi had decided must have been related to either Ryou or Amane - seemed uncomfortable somehow; was something wrong? Come to think of it, the other girl didn’t look entirely happy either. What was the issue?

Would it be too rude to ask? Considering she was bed-ridden, she supposed they wouldn’t judge her too harshly for anything she did at the moment… “Is there a problem?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. Something clearly wasn’t right. And the dark voice was acting up again. She wished it would leave her alone. It was getting increasingly hard to concentrate…

Visitors

Wed, 30 May 2012 01:13:43 -0500

hostforthering:

josephine-wheeler:

dicemistress:

hostforthering:

“I… I don’t know if I can do this, Jo…” She was shifting in place and stopped right in front of the door staring at it. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t… I don’t deserve to be in her presence…” She sighed and looked down at the ground. “I’m scared, Jo.”

The footsteps had faded, that much was clear - whoever was coming to visit her had stopped, and by the sound of it, they had stopped just outside her room. There were voices in the hallway, but Otogi could not make them out; fidgeting in her bed, she wrung the sheets in her hands, pulling them farther up and hiding some of her face.

Had her visitor… or visitors, as it sounded like … changed their minds…? She was, admittedly, rather lonely. As much as she hated to disappoint them, she would still appreciate a visit from friends… whether she could remember them or not. Perhaps seeing them would help her remember. With nothing else to do but wait, Otogi sunk back into the pillows, peering out from behind the blanket.

Jo sighed. “I know… I know you’re scared Ryou. But just think about how scared Otogi must be right now. She lost everything and…” She stepped forward and took Ryou’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I know that it’s going to be hard for you to see her, but she needs to know that people still care about her. Even if you two can’t be together the way you used to, she still needs you to be her friend.” Jo looked directly into Ryou’s eyes. “Otogi needs us, Ry…”

She was silent as she mulled over what the other said, holding her hand tight. “I know… I know… This is still all my fault.” If anyone deserved to die it was me… “I… I still want to be her friend. I still want to be in her life, I just…” Ryou sighed before letting go of Jo’s hand and moving to the door. “I don’t think she should know how we used to be. Not yet anyway… Let… Let her be happy without my failure as a girlfriend to hurt her more.” She offered a sad smile, opening the door to the room before the other could give protest to her wishes.

The door opened. Otogi watched the two girls who entered closely, dropping the sheet from her hands and giving a small wave. “Hey,” she attempted, echoing the greeting she had given to Amane earlier. She felt like introducing herself, but she knew that wouldn’t be right; she might not recognize them, but they were clearly her friends.

Was it rude to ask them their names? Surely the nurse had informed them of her memory loss. Maybe they would be considerate enough to introduce themselves. Her mind certainly wasn’t offering any names this time around… In fact, it seemed to have locked up at the sight of the pale-haired girl. She looked an awful lot like the boy she vaguely remembered saving her; she hadn’t gotten a very good look at him, and her memories were foggy, but she doubted white hair was a very common trait. Ryou, wasn’t he? Were they related?

Visitors

Wed, 30 May 2012 00:36:05 -0500

hostforthering:

josephine-wheeler:

dicemistress:

The voice was bothering her again. She could never quite make out the words, but it was still there, lurking in the corners of her mind and causing her a great deal of concern. Who did it belong to? Why was it in her head? Surely it wasn’t hers. It was something wholly wicked, dark… She hoped it did not belong to her. But she assumed she would have known if it was.

Sighing and doing her best to block out the noise, she heard footsteps near the door to her room; almost instantly she glanced upwards, eyes wide and awaiting whoever it was, should they be there to visit her. The nurse had told her they were keeping her at least one more night, possibly another. The concussion and the blow to her head coupled with the amnesia made going home a faraway prospect. It didn’t help that Otogi still didn’t know where home was.

As the footsteps neared her door, Otogi pulled the covers up higher over her body, looking almost meek as she waited to see who it was. She didn’t think she could stand disappointing another friend by not remembering them.

Jo walked next to Ryou down the hospital hallway. She was worried and nervous, but she refused to show it. She had to be strong right now. Not just for Otogi, but for Ryou too. The blond-haired young woman glanced anxiously at her friend. “You sure you’re gonna be okay in there…?”

“I… I don’t know if I can do this, Jo…” She was shifting in place and stopped right in front of the door staring at it. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t… I don’t deserve to be in her presence…” She sighed and looked down at the ground. “I’m scared, Jo.”

The footsteps had faded, that much was clear - whoever was coming to visit her had stopped, and by the sound of it, they had stopped just outside her room. There were voices in the hallway, but Otogi could not make them out; fidgeting in her bed, she wrung the sheets in her hands, pulling them farther up and hiding some of her face.

Had her visitor… or visitors, as it sounded like … changed their minds…? She was, admittedly, rather lonely. As much as she hated to disappoint them, she would still appreciate a visit from friends… whether she could remember them or not. Perhaps seeing them would help her remember. With nothing else to do but wait, Otogi sunk back into the pillows, peering out from behind the blanket.

You used to be so strong, but without your memories you're just a scared little girl.

Wed, 30 May 2012 00:30:14 -0500

…

Leave me alone…

Get out of my head.

Visitors

Wed, 30 May 2012 00:02:00 -0500

The voice was bothering her again. She could never quite make out the words, but it was still there, lurking in the corners of her mind and causing her a great deal of concern. Who did it belong to? Why was it in her head? Surely it wasn’t hers. It was something wholly wicked, dark… She hoped it did not belong to her. But she assumed she would have known if it was.

Sighing and doing her best to block out the noise, she heard footsteps near the door to her room; almost instantly she glanced upwards, eyes wide and awaiting whoever it was, should they be there to visit her. The nurse had told her they were keeping her at least one more night, possibly another. The concussion and the blow to her head coupled with the amnesia made going home a faraway prospect. It didn’t help that Otogi still didn’t know where home was.

As the footsteps neared her door, Otogi pulled the covers up higher over her body, looking almost meek as she waited to see who it was. She didn’t think she could stand disappointing another friend by not remembering them.

You'll find someone better

Tue, 29 May 2012 16:46:59 -0500

Who would want to love me? I can’t even remember who I am.

She left you because she's a bitch.

Tue, 29 May 2012 14:12:39 -0500

I don’t believe that. I loved her, didn’t I…? Maybe it was something I did.

Zorc is the voice. He is your master.

Tue, 29 May 2012 14:03:14 -0500

Zorc?

Who is he? He’s not my master! I’m nobody’s pawn!

Stop lying to me…!

No it doesn't! You're the one who sacrificed yourself for her!

Tue, 29 May 2012 14:00:10 -0500

… What …?

Is that why she left me?

How did I sacrifice myself…? I don’t understand any of this.

What...

Tue, 29 May 2012 13:52:55 -0500

A voice. There’s something… Something inside… It’s not something good. What is…? It’s… I feel strange. What is this?

Who is … my ‘master’ …? I don’t understand. Who are you? Leave me alone. I don’t want to become like you.

You did but they left you.

Tue, 29 May 2012 13:50:14 -0500

… Oh.

That … makes sense.

You did have a love.

Tue, 29 May 2012 13:49:31 -0500

Then why haven’t they visited me? My only visitor has been Amane.

how would you feel to know that you once had a love?

Tue, 29 May 2012 13:46:55 -0500

A … love? Did I?

I must not have loved them very much, if I was going to kill myself. Or maybe they didn’t love me. You said ‘once’, didn’t you?

I just feel confused.

@ dicemistress

Tue, 29 May 2012 13:42:39 -0500

amanechan:

dicemistress:

amanechan:

dicemistress:

amanechan:

dicemistress:

amanechan:

dicemistress:

Otogi blinked in surprise as she was suddenly hugged, awkwardly raising her own arms to pat at the girl’s back. “I’m sorry,” she attempted, feeling guilty for causing her tears. “Please don’t cry.” Pulling her gently away from her to meet her eyes, the dark-haired girl did feel a spark of recognition, but it was small. Perhaps with time she would remember. “Don’t cry…”

An odd part of her was willing her to wipe the other girl’s tears away in what she thought might be a comforting gesture, but without knowing how good her friendship was with this girl, she could not decide if it was appropriate. It most likely would not be. She pushed the thought away, instead brushing the other’s pale hair from her face, looking concerned.

Amane tried to pull herself together, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I-I’m sorry Otogi… I just…” She looked up her, reaching up and gently taking hold of the other’s hand. “How are you feeling…?”

“My head hurts a lot,” was the reply, as she bit her lip - a habit she found odd, but she could not place where it had come from. “I hit it pretty hard. Got a concussion…” Otogi sighed, glancing away, as her fingers gripped the other girl’s hand a little tighter. “I feel so confused.”

Gaze downcast, she paused for a long while before continuing, trying her best to explain what was troubling her. “I know that I jumped on purpose. I was trying to kill myself… and keep someone safe. But I don’t know who. I’m afraid that I’m putting whoever it was in danger by still being around. Was I supposed to die?” She tore her gaze from her hand in the other’s and met her eyes again, her own starting to brim with tears.

Amane suddenly looked determined and she cupped Otogi’s face in her hands. “No! You absolutely were not supposed to die!” Gently, almost lovingly, she wiped the tears from the other woman’s face. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, Otogi…”

“I…” Not knowing what could be said, she simply nodded, gaze bleak. The other girl had not even told her name… But she was familiar, more so than she had first been to Otogi. She concentrated a moment, but found it rather difficult; it was as if a wall had been put up in her mind, barring her from her memories. She had certainly repressed them very strongly. But for what reason?

“Don’t be,” she said, shaking her head slightly. “I jumped. For whatever reason, I did. So this is my fault.” She had just yet to figure out why. She paused; something… oh! “Amane!” she exclaimed suddenly, looking pleased with herself. “Your name is Amane, isn’t it?”

Amane smiled happily and nodded. “Yes! Yes that’s my name!” She hugged Otogi again. “You remembered!”

Otogi hugged Amane back somewhat awkwardly, directing her gaze away when she pulled away. “Yes…,” she conceded. “Names are a lot easier for me to remember. I remembered my own, at least… and now yours.” She smiled slightly. “Maybe I’ll remember everything soon… Although I’m not sure if that will be a good thing.”

Something had made her want to end her life. Perhaps it would be better if what was buried in her mind simply remained buried. She must have suppressed the memories for a reason… but Amane was her friend, wasn’t she? And Otogi wanted more than anything to remember her - and any other friends she had. That was assuming she did have other friends. She wasn’t entirely sure; she had no idea what type of person she had been before … well, before all of this.

Amane gently stroked the other’s hair and smiled. “Well you just tell me what you want to know and I’ll do my best to help fill in the blanks.”

“Okay,” she replied. “Who am I…?” That seemed like a good place to start. “I mean, I know I’m ‘Otogi.’ But I don’t know much else.” She doubted she was anything like she used to be. At the moment she simply felt a strong need to make this person - who before a few minutes ago had technically been a stranger to her - happy. She supposed they had been friends.